Oh Hell!

...is a good title for this article. I often put on the box in the mornings to catch some news, and at half past five, there isn't much. The Olympics, or OL as they quaintly call it here, is what normally appears, and after shaking off the hypnotism of watching only-just-not-naked girls playing sand volleyball, I get ready for work and leave home at about six fifteen. Sandvolley by the way. Why is the female version much more interesting to watch than the male version? This retorical question can remain unanswered for now.
But this morning, I was suddenly riveted to the screen by a new sport, both for me and for "OL". BMX is the latest early morning screening from China. Children's bikes being ridden at top speed round a lumpy course by hyped-up representatives of the world's nations in garish-coloured skin tight costumes and a huge toy spaceman outfit helmet on their heads. What a laugh. They wizz off at collosal speed round tight bends and over the aforementioned jumps. Skilfull, but if you land wrong, you lose seconds, and look bloody stupid. But more painfully, wedding tackle gets crushed hard against the bike's frame. After one collision which involved half the competitors, bits of bike and crash barrier were left lying around in the sand interspersed with what I am sure must have been testicles. One particular competitor dressed in the green and yellow of Australia had given himself the artiste (!) name of Kamikaze! And what a suicide mission he was. He hit every bump as hard as he could and crossed the line a good last, bent over his tiny bike, one ball hanging by a thin bloody thread, the other lying in the sand at a particularly difficult bend with reverse camber. The rest of the pack who managed to cross the finishing line more ore less intact looked as though their tackle had received a real ball-bashing too. Gentlemen, don't get me wrong but I feel for you. O L.
Which reminds me of womens sand volleyball, but I have no idea why.